Proper Consent

What does it mean for a man and woman to give each other consent in a marriage ceremony? When they say "I do" (or "I will" in the rite used in the Ordinariate), they are making a lifelong commitment to each other. They "consent" to give themselves to the other. This, of course, only happens after the priest has made sure that they are both free to marry. If either or both of them are still married to someone else (regardless of any civil divorce actions), then they are not free to marry. This means that they need to seek and be granted a declaration of nullity before they can truly be free to marry.

Many people do not understand this (even catholics), but it is an essential factor for a valid marriage: if you are not free to marry and you engage in a marriage ceremony, you have no right to do so, and therefore you are not validly married; no "ifs" "ands" or "buts". If you are not free to marry, then you cannot properly give consent, so any "consent" stated is invalid and therefore, a proper covenantal contract has not been accomplished. It is a simple and plain principle.

Of course, there are other scenarios that would make someone unable to give free consent. Take for example the phrase "consenting adults" when people speak of fornication and adultery. This is not a "consent" that they have a right to give. No one has a "right" to give consent to sin. They have no more freedom to give consent than a Priest has the right to give consent for a stranger to take the blessed Sacrament out of the Church in his pocket (which is a grave sin, by the way!).

This means that just because someone says that he or she gives permission to another person to engage in certain activities with him or her that are proper only for a married couple (even if it does fall short of actual sexual activity), they are not actually free to do so. Only married couples are free to give that permission, and only with the person that they are married to. Just because an action is good and moral in a certain context, does not mean that it is good and moral in every context. God has given us certain boundaries, especially when it comes to physical intimacy, that must not be ignored (and if they are ignored, the consequences are dire). Let us seek to understand those boundaries, respect them, and teach them to our children.